Head is under water. But I’m breathing fine

head under water.jpg

As I write the I am about to embark on a weekend away with some girlfriends. May has been a trying month. Besides the fact that my ex husband is now married not even 6 months after our divorce, I found out that he is expecting another baby. Things were incredibly hard financially! and perhaps finding out about my children’s new half sibling made me feel so distressed because I realised that I will receive even less child maintenance ( if thats even possible). The situation was wearing me down but two amazing things came from it.

Firstly I realised that I am over my ex-husband. It didn’t hurt in the slightest bit.  I am amazed by the hearts capacity to heal! There was a time something like this could have crushed me. But it didn’t hurt at all…I felt indifferent. As if I had never lay in the same bed with this person and shared a life with him. Its as if that wound healed without leaving a single scar. God will heal you…you need to be able to want to be healed FIRST then be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to be all right again.

Secondly I had an argument with him and I remember how toxic our relationship was. His words cut do deep it felt like I was bleeding internally! It had been so long since I felt that way. I remember wishing he would just hit me than say the things he said to me. It took me a while to recover then it dawned upon me that there is no-one in my entire life who speaks to me in that way any more. I am surrounded by people who love me, admire me and want the best for me. I cant remember being in an argument with anyone in the past 2 years and I definitely don’t remember anyone intentionally hurting me with their words or otherwise. This realisation brought me so much joy. All is well..my head is under water but Im breathing fine.

 

 

 

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